My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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