I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
