i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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