You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
