He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
