You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
