Fine. I'll sleep in my office
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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