After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There's always time for handjobs
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
