I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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