I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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