I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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