I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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