I wish they made helmets for livers.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
