Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
