The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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