I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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