Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The feeling are messing with the penis
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
