I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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