i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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