My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
