I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
