I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
its liver damage thursday
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
