i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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