I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
