he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
