I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
