My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
