Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
