i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
