They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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