And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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