I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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