Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
