The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
