i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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