On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize