Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
