So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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