Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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