i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
