Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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