She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
