dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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