OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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