i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
