It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i can't believe i had my finger in that
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My pussy is not your playground.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
