i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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