Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
