My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
