This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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