Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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