seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize