i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
