i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
