It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
