Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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