I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
