he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize