Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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