I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
