Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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