____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
