the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
