you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
