are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
