my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm like, not good at living.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
