turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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